To peg or be pegged? What does it feel like? What need or desire does it fulfil? How can it enhance your relationship?
A few days ago, someone asked me about an interview I did back in 2021 on pegging…
Ever curious, I was interested to see how much has changed since then.
Not just in the toys we use, but in how openly we talk about pleasure, power dynamics and what intimacy can really look like inside a relationship, a whole 5 years later.
There are also these funny little patterns I’ve started to notice over the years, almost like weekly themes in the shop. One week it’s couples exploring together, the next it’s someone quietly asking about a strap-on… and then suddenly, more follow.
Curiosity has a way of spreading and I find it endlessly entertaining… and very telling too.
So I went back to revisit this conversation with a real couple who shared their experiences with me, and honestly? It still holds up!
What’s changed since 2021?
More openness – still whispered, but far less hidden. Conversations that once felt taboo are now quietly finding their way into relationships, bedrooms, and even casual curiosity.
Better toys – more beginner-friendly, body-safe options (and definitely not one-size-fits-all, this is personal). What works for one person or couple may feel completely different for another, and that’s part of the journey.
More informed curiosity – people are asking better questions. Not just “what is it?” but “how do we do this safely, comfortably, and in a way that works for us?”
Couples leading the exploration – it’s less about one partner introducing the idea, and more about shared curiosity. A “what if we tried…” energy that feels collaborative rather than pressured.
Women owning the dynamic – confidence has entered the chat. There’s a noticeable shift in how women are stepping into roles of control, exploration and pleasure with far more ease and self-assurance.
So while the tools may have evolved and the conversations have opened up, the heart of it hasn’t changed. Curiosity, connection, and the desire to explore each other in new ways!
And sometimes, the best way to understand something… is to hear it from people who’ve experienced it for themselves.
Eros All You Can Eat DELUXE 9 Piece Remote Controlled Vibrating Dildo Box Set
Let's take it back to 2021...
If you’ve ever been curious about pegging, unsure where to start, or wondering what it actually feels like, this one’s for you.
It's not often that a couple is willing to share details around their most intimate sexual encounters with a stranger, let alone when it involves anything to do with a topic that has so many misconceptions attached to it.
Naturally, I was thrilled to get the opportunity to interview a JHB based couple on what their views around the subject are. After all, we like real. Real experiences and honest viewpoints around all things intimate!
I greatly appreciate this progressive couples willingness to share their experiences with me, and I hope you find a tremendous amount of inspiration in what they have to say.
What is pegging?
Simply put, pegging is a sexual position involving a woman wearing a dildo strapped around her waist and penetrating a man in the doggy style position.
(This made me giggle because since then, we’ve come to realise it’s not just about one position, like most things in the bedroom, it’s far more flexible, personal and open to exploration.)
Pegging is very much on the rise in popularity and a lot of people are giving it a go, yet, there are many, many myths that still surround it.
The interview
Age (both) - 21
Length of relationship – 5 months
Location – Johannesburg, South Africa
Couples questions
1. Who suggested it, was it your first pegging experience?
Don suggested it, and yes it was a first for both of us.
2. What percentage of your intimate time is centered around pegging?
25%
3. What advice would you give to people starting out, tips based on your experience?
Start small and slow and there’s no such thing as too much lube...also...poppers helps but don’t get too ambitious 😉
4. When you first started experimenting, where did you get the DL from?
Don: it was something that always interested me from a younger age, probably early to mid-teens and experimented with myself but never had or met anyone I felt comfortable doing it with until I met Tayla and after a little convincing, we introduced it into our sex life.
Tayla: I had never really given much thought about it, nor had I been with anyone that was interested, Don brought it up, said he was curious and after some consideration, I decided to see what it would be like.
5. What toys do you favor for it and why?
We currently have one strapless dildo...however I’d imagine that one with a strap would work better as it would hold in place better.
Taylas feedback...
1. What do you enjoy most about the experience? What does it feel like?
I enjoy it because Don enjoys it, I enjoy being able to pleasure my partner in more ways. There’s also a power dynamic switch which can be satisfying. It initially felt very odd, but it’s become enjoyable.
2. What need/desire does it fulfil
It doesn’t particularly fill any need or desire for myself personally, but it does fulfill my desire to pleasure my partner in more than just the same way most people do with their partners.
3. Considering it's an exciting part of your sexual relationship, who would you share it with?
I don’t think I could or would want to share something like this with anyone else as the experience has become very personal to my relationship with Don, he makes me feel comfortable about it and him being honest with me about what he wanted made me more confident about it and having not had any experience or thought about the idea before I won’t want to experience it with anyone else.
Dons feedback...
1. What, in your opinion, are the greatest misconceptions about it?
I think the biggest thing about it is the stigma attached to “only gay people liking it” in a sense and I found myself wrestling with my own sexuality because of this. This is however not the case and I honestly think a surprising amount of straight men would enjoy it...whether they’re able to admit it to themselves or not.
2. What do you enjoy most about the experience? What does it feel like?
I do tend, or at least did at the start of me and Tayla’s relationship with premature ejaculation and so always felt I wasn’t able to enjoy sex properly and to its fullest extent, but this gave me something else to enjoy and a gave me a different kind of sexual experience I hadn’t had before...one that lasted beyond a minute or two and I now find myself able to last a bit longer in bed which I honestly think pegging and other anal play has helped with. The feeling in itself I’m struggling to find words for...it’s different to anything else I’ve tried before but it’s definitely a pleasurable experience.
3. What need/desire does it fulfil?
It gave me something other than penile stimulation which has since helped me overcome anxiety about my PE and has made my sex-life more exciting and pleasurable.
4. Is it messy?
I’d definitely lay a towel down...but that’s mainly for the lube...so long as you’ve cleaned sufficiently since your last bathroom break, there’s very little to no smell and nothing that’s not supposed to has ever come out.
In closing
Understanding ourselves, our bodies and our partners is a vital part of how we choose to explore in the bedroom and enhance our overall levels of intimacy.
I wish you all the thrills and excitement you wish for yourself on your journey of sexploration!
As always - be bold, stay playful!
Carmen
Founder: Play With Me
Play With Me is a trusted South African adult store with over 8 years experience and discreet delivery nationwide. Visit us in-store at Play With Me, Shop C5, The Gantry, Cnr Witkoppen & Straight Ave, Lonehill, Sandton or enjoy 10% off your first online order.
Comments
Thanks for the insight. :)