Want to make your partner feel like the king or queen of their castle, on the back of the love you share with them?
I can love you with all my might, but if done in a way that doesn’t make sense to you, my efforts will be rendered fruitless and we’ll miss the love boat completely.
We give and receive love differently
The basic principle of how we give and receive love is unique to us all and an incredibly important part of maintaining intimacy in a relationship. How I love you in a way that makes you feel special is invaluable and really not difficult to execute when I understand what it is that you need.
A conversation I once had with my Uber driver comes to mind. His wife, he told me, was just not ‘that into him’ even after ALL he did for her.
He did the dishes, made sure her car was serviced, packed her lunch but yet, the harder he tried and the more acts of service he rendered, he was left feeling unappreciated by her and things were just, well, the same - pretty meh.
'What is her love language?' I asked him. 'What is that?' he said.
OK, she doesn’t get the warm and fuzzy’s from Acts Of Service and this isn’t going to change. Not ever.
Here’s another example, you might love words of affirmation but your partner places more emphasis on quality time and touch. In trying to connect, you might text them sweet nothings all day and think you're great at expressing love, but in the meantime they might be wondering why you're never interested in spending time cuddling on the couch together at night and may actually be feeling unloved because of that.
See how easy it becomes for resentment and disconnection to enter the picture?
What is your primary and secondary love language?
By determining our primary and secondary love language preferences, it can be easier to give each other what we need and crave.
Admittedly, I had a copy of the book for many years and never paid much attention to it and I too ended up missing the love boat completely.
If ANYTHING you owe it to yourself to better understand YOU, what you need and desire to be completely fulfilled in this beautiful life because after all, this is what you so rightly deserve. Once you know how you operate, pay it forward and create something awesome with another human!
The question is, do you know where bae is in this love language equation? Where are you? Do you know what gestures are the most important to your partner or are you mirroring yours? What means most to you? Words of affirmation? Acts of service? Receiving gifts? Quality time or physical touch?
Take the quiz
Dear lovers, if you’ve mastered the art of understanding yourself and your partner in this way I salute you. Lovers needing a little guidance, take the quiz, make time to discuss it with your SO and execute, even if it feels foreign to you it’s well worth it!
Until next time and as always,
Be bold & stay playful!
Carmen